“Enough is enough!”… but is it !?

The week of the 5th of September, 2019 will forever be ingrained in the minds of many Women in South Africa. This is the week that the late Uyinene’s Mrwetyana’s death was announced after she was reported missing from the 29th of August, 2019.

I remember how when I heard about her passing, something inside of me just died. A part of me died and judging from the sentiments expressed by the many other Women on Social Media, I’d like to think that’s exactly how they felt too.

What gutted me the most was how she passed on…No! It was how she was MURDERED and WHERE she was murdered! This girl was murdered in a Post Office, running a freaking errand! The thought of how many times I’d made trips to the Post Office these past few weeks left me feeling ice cold. I mean honestly, no one and I mean no one would’ve ever expected the Post Office to be a dangerous space. I mean, a public space??? But like the many other places and people we never expect the worst from, the Post Office has now made it to the list of “Places that Women must watch out for”.

I hardly think of a structure when writing my Blogs, I write in the moment as I feel that makes my content raw, pure and authentic. I really just write from the heart. But oh man, this here Blog entry has been the hardest for me to write! I’ve never had a stranger’s death affect me this much. I normally post my Blog entries every Monday, but this week was soo hard to stick to that. I’ve been speechless… I’ve been mourning…. grieving the deaths of the many Women we’ve lost in such a short space of time. I’ve been scared. I’ve been scared of existing.

I’ve been in a shell, a very dark and sad shell where I’ve been asking myself exactly HOW are we as Women going to fight this. How are we to protect ourselves, I mean a day after the protest against Gender Based Violence in Cape Town, 5 more Women were reported dead a day after in Cape Town each from different locations but certainly at the hands of Men.

On top of that, this Monday someone close to me was almost raped and killed by a Man who pounced at her from a near by Bush and chased after her with a Machete, threw a huge rock at her and missed which shows you he was intentionally trying to kill her!
So really, what can we do? Are we all agreeing that enough is in fact enough !?

I remember how emotions were so high at the protest, we were all so MAD! SO SICK and TIRED of being victims and so sick and tired of Men not understanding that THEY are the people that can change what is currently going on in our country… Hell! in the World! We were so sick of the narrative “PROTECT WOMEN!” like NOOOOO! tell Men to “STOP RAPING AND KILLING!!!”

The speech that President Cyril Ramaphosa gave did little in restoring my faith in the Government or in our justice system. It genuinely feels like our Government officials have this disconnect with issues that we face as not just Women but locals in general. It’s almost as if they have this veil of ignorance that makes them fail to empathise with us. Must be the privilege that shields them from the daily dangers we face.

Here are the additional measures President Cyril Ramaphosa said will be taken against Gender Based Violence:

• We are going to overhaul and modernise the national register of gender-based violence offenders provided for in the Sexual Offences Act to ensure it is effective in combating gender-based violence. 
• This National Register of Offenders will list all the men convicted of acts of violence against women and children.
• I will ask Parliament to consider amending the legislation to make the register public.
• I will propose to Cabinet that all crimes against women and children  should attract harsher minimum sentences.
• We agree with the women of our country that the state should oppose bail and parole for perpetrators of rape and murder against women and children.
• Many women’s organisations have complained that there aren’t enough rehabilitation programmes in our prisons. 
• These programmes will be increased and reconfigured to reduce the number of repeat offenders.
• All gender-based violence cases that have been closed or that were not properly investigated must be reviewed.
• We will strengthen the emergency teams at a provincial level – which bring together the police, social development, health, justice and education – to continue providing rapid and comprehensive responses to all forms of violence against women.
• These emergency response teams will focus in particular on violence directed at women, children and other marginalised groups including the LGBTQIA Plus community and people with disabilities. 
• We will address other systemic challenges such as the backlog of cases, delays in DNA testing and the availability of rape test kits in our police stations.
• We will use every means at the disposal of the state – from the police service to the justice system, from social development programmes to our school curriculum – to strengthen all parts of our national response to gender-based violence.
• We will implement a national multi-faceted plan to prevent gender-based violence through school programmes, community initiatives and workplace policies.
• The Minister of Finance will be asked to allocate additional funding to the national machinery to coordinate our campaign against gender-based violence.
• The women of our country are calling for emergency measures to end this violence.
• I will therefore be asking Parliament to discuss and identify urgent interventions that can be implemented without delay. 

Here’s my thing, I appreciate the efforts, but how many times have we been hearing stories about what is GOING to be done by the Government in helping fight GBV.
It’s always good and dandy when hearing about it over media but we all know that life moves on and everyone forgets and every one goes back to their lives and lives us Women, LGBTQ+ and little girls to fight for themselves.

I feel there’s not enough attention being given to working at resolving this issue from its core which is “How Men think” about Women. We need to be tackling their Mindsets, a long term process but one that should be prioritised nonetheless.

HERE’S WHAT I FEEL SHOULD BE ADDED IN THE FIGHT AGAINST GENDER BASED VIOLENCE:

Firstly, we need to look at areas that have a high number of Gender Based Violence and the Townships and Rural areas are these areas.

Secondly, we need to then break down the solutions based on segments;

• Households
• Communities
• Schools.

Last but not least; it will always boil down to the individual but prevention is way better than cure. As much as these will yield measurable results over a period of time I genuinely have hope in humanity and believe these would be the first steps towards helping resolve this issue.

HOUSEHOLDS & COMMUNITIES:

• Teach Men Conflict Resolution techniques
  Be honest how many times do you hear Men try to justify why they feel the Violence towards Women was warranted because of an argument.
  
• Start BrotherHoods in communities
  There aren’t enough groups where Men can unwind with fellow good Men and share what they feel has been bugging them without being worried about being judged. I am not referring to talking to your friends and they say “Just be a Man about it ma guy” No! I am talking about groups were y’all provide each other with concrete and positive advice or criticism.
  
• Teach Men about CONSENT
  Listen, NO means NO! If she’s not agreeing to it, she’s against it! Period!
  Class dismissed!
  
• STOP! turning a blind eye to GBV in communities
  Teach more Men to not be bystanders. I am not saying jump in and play Superman but please do something that will help the victim then and there.
  
• Help Men unlearn toxic Patriarchal beliefs around Gender & Gender Roles
  I think we need to help Men understand how times have changed and how Women are very much capable to majority of things that Men never allowed them to do before. This is in no way saying that Men should view us as competition but a lot as equals.

SCHOOLS

I won’t list some of these solutions in bullet-point form for this section. School children are the future of all nations, there’s a lot of ways that Social Workers, teachers and Parents can help little boys with in learning how to fight against Gender Based Violence.

The focus should be in moulding their attitudes on gender equality, by using positive parenting techniques and also in educating them about LGBTQ+ community and also on continuing with sexual and reproductive health education. Kids are very impressionable so there should be a lot of focus on helping them with figuring out how to choose Good Male role Models by positively influencing their views around role Models.

In closing; Men are not hated, we hate how they view us. I still have a lot of hope in our South African Men. I think these past few weeks they’ve been faced with Mirrors asking them if they like the reflections they see. I’d like to believe that no Men does, which is a strong call for them to ask how can they help make a change.

“Umntu, ngumntu, ngabantu” which directly translated means “A person is a person through/because of (other) people” – This is an idiom that has been the backbone of many Black communities as it expresses how you are who you are because of how you relate to others around you. Men need us as Women to help them be this change but we NEED them to want to be this change too.

Which is why I’ve decided to run this #PAWA! Innitiative (People Against Women Abuse and Women in this case being Women, LGBTQ+ and little girls).

The Workshop will be held from the 2nd – 3rd of November, 2019 in Cape Town, however, the venue is still be announced.

MEN, HELP HER NOT BE NEXT!