“You are responsible for your orgasm!…”
Disclaimer:
Firstly, what I’m about to share here is based on my own personal observations, research on the net, magazines & from chill sessions with ladies (& Men) where this topic came up. I’m no sex-expert (well….ha ha ha! I kid! I kid! hahahahaha) & if you feel that any of the information shared here is misleading please let me know. Okuuuurrrrr!
Right, so! Let’s start by trying to understand Women. WE ARE NOT COMPLICATED NOR COMPLEX! if anything Women are the simplest gender to understand. YES! WE ARE THE SIMPLEST GENDER TO UNDERSTAND! When we say I’m not hungry we mean buy something JUST in case. When we’re going out & I leave my jacket at home understand that drip is more important than warmth & I’ll eventually ask you for yours. Anywaaaaaaays now that we all agree (yes we do) let me get into this blog post.
WHAT IS AN ORGASM ?
Yho! trying to explain what an orgasm is, is hella difficult but let me try. First, I will give my personal definition & the scientific one.
Me: An orgasm is a particular point that you reach where you feel a combustion or release of feelings of pleasure which are built up throughout your sexual session or sexual stimulation. I don’t think it’s all what sex is about but it does make the experience quite memorable.
Science: “It is a physical reflex, brought on through sexual stimulation, most commonly that of the clitoris, which is the most sensitive organ in the vagina. “It’s a build up to a time frame during sexual stimulation where there’s just this big release of pleasure…”.
How to know if you’re having one or have had one ?
You know you’re about to have one or have had one if you’ve ever felt an excitement while sexing – your heartbeat becomes faster, there is heavy breathing, you don’t want whatever stimulation being done to stop….like you’re reaching for something…a feeling and then BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM BABY!!!!!! You let out this scream (or not) but you feel this rush….a release which is soooo amazing. And Guess what babies !? you can have MULTIPLE of these in a freaking row & that other gender can’t yet they want to tell us they’re more powerful….. what a Joke ma’darling lmao!!!
Listen God snapped when he created Women! Yhu! such perfection!
The history of the sensuality of Women:
I’m kinda lazy to include references but in summary, Women weren’t always allowed the freedom to just BE! For eons we were made to believe that we need to be these tamed, timid & obedient to the Man type of people that couldn’t express themselves as freely as they wish. Look, I won’t link any references do a google search if you need further clarity & just learn about how the Feminist movement helped shape the world to be accepting of Women’s freedom which has given rise to the phenomenal movement that is the Women we are today.
For centuries, having sex or making love for Women wasn’t about our pleasure but more about the Man’s opportunity to bust a nut & call it a night (That rhyme wasn’t planned by the way…I’m errr…that good LOL). I’ve read stories were Men back then would beat their Women up if they dare tried to please themselves or try new things in the bedroom, calling them unholy or accusing them of infidelity because hey “who the fuck taught you that your clitoris deserves a couple of licks Madam?“. So you see, sex for Women has always been a taboo. Sex was used as a tool for Men to enforce their power or dominance over Women than it was about pleasure…well..mutual pleasure.
Women who were sexually liberated were labeled whores ( still are) for being so extroverted about their sexual needs & for having the gull to express it too. There’s a show I used to enjoy watching called “Masters of Sex” & there’s a particular scene where the guy tries to dominate this Woman that was sexually liberated—by slapping her cause homie couldn’t take how she was so free with herself & homegirl bitch-slapped him back loool (Yaaaaass Queen!!) that scene for me portrayed how Men feel entitled to Women’s bodies and I really blame the systems they were raised under which have always been about dominating Women (Y’all are scared… or hate us….just admit it! ).
It should therefore not come as a surprise that so many Women find it extremely difficult to climax. I mean when sex is not openly spoken about in households, how do you expect Women to know about orgasms right?!?
The long history of gender injustice where the sexual pleasure of a man is given far more importance than that of a woman has really done Women a grave disservice as most go as far as assuming that there’s just something wrong with them & that maybe they weren’t built to have orgasms…..COMPLETE BULL! If you ask me! Unless a qualified DR. that knows where to locate your g-spot tells you that, don’t you freaking go around believing such shitty things about yourself! Y’all need to start speaking life into your lives hey…. I digress.
“Sex is not just for procreation, but also for Women to enjoy & feel good.“
Look, if we want to help Women understand their bodies we need to accept that there’s a huge need to reinvent the idea of sex as an exchange of trust and pleasure & not as something a Man takes from a Woman. We need to reinvent this stereotype that Women’s value, worth & dignity are tied to their private parts. We need to drive in that sex isn’t only about mutual consent, but also a mutual sense of pleasure. Sex is not just for procreation, but also for Women to enjoy & feel good.
So you see, sex for us Women starts in our minds. There are so many fallacies & misconceptions, about Women & Sex that need to be rectified to help redefine Sex as a whole for us. And you know what, I think we’re coming along quite well with this. The times are really changing & Women are becoming more liberated & expressive. What a time!
Why Women struggle to get Orgasms
- You’re not present – Albeit, the fact that we’re all wired differently. I personally think it’s because most Women aren’t RELAXED during sex!
Be honest, how many times have you stressed about how you look ? If what you’re doing is flattering ? OMG don’t get me started with the hair stress ! *MEGA-EYEROLL* Those wigs need to remain far away from the sexing hey!
Some worry about their bodies, trying to only do positions that only hide their flabby stomachs, trying to keep the lights off, trying to remember if they fetched their laundry from the leash……yhuu!!! NO! Babes you’re doing a lot mentally……“ey ey ey, fucking relax man wena!”
- Unrealistic Expectations – The leading one being that it’s your partner’s responsibility to make you cum/orgasm/climax. No! boo-boo kitty, your orgasm is your responsibility. If you come to the bed to just lay there with a brain filled with such misconceptions you’ll have a hard time reaching the big 0!
Keep an open Mind & don’t FOCUS on getting an Orgasm. Just have fun man! - Some don’t understand their own bodies – If you don’t know what’s the most pleasurable part of your body, how the hell do you expect someone else to know b !? Girl, if you do not spread those legs when you’re alone & start learning about your pleasure zones I don’t know what the hell you’re waiting for!
- Paying attention to penetration only – NOT ALL WOMEN CUM FROM PENETRATION! read this over & over again, some need Clitoral Stimulation! In fact, science says that only a handful of Women in the World can cum from penetration alone (you lucky biiish, go you! lol). This doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you who cannot PLEASE, it means you’re different & should thus explore how you receive orgasms & explore sex a whole lot differently. Go back to point 3 above boo.
- Some aren’t vocal about what they actually want – YHU! mntase, please unchain yourself. It might be a challenge for some but you need to take your pleasure seriously baby. You’re too beautiful to be having crappy sex…eeeeuww.
Growing up my family ingrained into me this Xhosa idiom: “Usana olungakhaliyo lufela embelekweni” ~ which loosely translated means that a child that doesn’t cry dies during birth. The profound meaning is that, if you don’t speak up you will suffer. Being shy or timid during sex won’t get you the pleasure you sooo deserve unless you work for it kaloku baby. Sex is a mutual dance honey, speak up….lead him to how YOU want or enjoy being pleasured. You don’t even need to be vocal you can use your body.
You know what, I will follow this post up with another blog post on how you can unchain your inner badassery in bed! Because we’re all about that Feminine Power over here! We’re all about showing up as our higher selves & your higher self is a badass Woman that knows exactly what she wants & how she wants it! Yaaaas!!
HOW TO ORGASM ?
ONE: STOP! sleeping with partners that aren’t able to make you feel good about YOURSELF! Start by understanding your worth!
You deserve to give yourself like that to someone who will help you relax & someone who’s not after busting a nut but wants to PLEASURE you & you them! When you mutually want to please each other, the sexual energy between you two is inexplicable & it becomes more than just wanting to bust a nut but more about ENJOYING sex with each other! Which naturally leads to you climaxing.
TWO: BE CONFIDENT!
UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! EVERY FLAW! EVERY ROLL! EVERY STRETCH MARK IS BEAUTIFUL! WEAR THAT SHIT WITH PRIDE & RIDE THAT DICK LIKE YOUR LIFE DEPENDS ON IT!
Three: LEARN ABOUT YOUR PLEASURE POINTS & COMMUNICATE THEM TO YOUR PARTNER!
Make your partner your sex slave, take control, give them control!
Drop them on their knees & make them please you!
OWN THAT SHIT! YOU’RE THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF!
Four: EXPERIMENT BABY!
Watch porn! YES! WATCH. PORN! To see what moves they’re trying but for the love of everything good in life STAY AWAY FROM THE CUCUMBER! PLEASE! Last thing you want is to be admitted into E.R. …AWKS!
IF YOU’RE NOT HAVING SEX THAT MAKES YOU QUESTION WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE !? WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU (& YOUR SEXUAL PARTNER) !? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING !?
FIVE: TELL THEM WHAT YOU WANT!
TAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALK! MIME! SIGN-LANGUAGE! TAP-DANCE! CRUMP! I DO NOT FREAKING CARE, GET THEM TO KNOW WHAT YOU LIKE PERIOD!
The sooner you tap into your Inner Feminine Goddess Energy the better!
Don’t try be anything or anyone you’re not, do what feels good to you & if you’re like some of us that get a tick from seeing/watching their partners enjoying it, be extra slutty & maintain a good balance between focusing on your pleasure & theirs.
Happy Sexing !!!